Dating: Overcoming Shyness

By Julian Cowie

Shyness can be a big problem for some people not just when dating but also in life itself. When we look at being shy we have to look at the overall picture. I think that if you are shy and you're not happy about it then you have to do something to change yourself. Sometimes being shy can be a big plus when it comes to dating, especially at first, some people find it cute. However the cuteness soon wears off if you are too shy to say, go and buy theatre tickets by yourself, go out on a date, or walk into a crowded hotel. Then you become needy. Needy is not Good!

In life you have to cultivate your personality, you have to grow yourself. We as humans have to keep on learning new things no matter what age we are. We have to keep on growing as people otherwise we just get stuck in a rut, the same old same old. I'm sure we have all met Old People who are still alive and vital because they have some interests, or hobbies like painting, gardening or just reading. They keep their mind active and are a pleasure to be around.

So if your shy and you are not happy then you have to change it. This will require some effort, but then most worthwhile things do. You can start right now, today. There are plenty of opportunities in every day life for overcoming shyness.

Before you do any of these things I am going to suggest, stop and think about what is the worst thing that could happen. Overcoming shyness will not endanger your health in any way, you will not be putting your life at risk, you have nothing to loose, but you will have a lot to gain. Most of all it will be Fun! Being shy often stops you from having Fun.!

The best thing to do is start with something simple, it's easy you can do it anyone can. SMILE when you pass your neighbour smile, you don't even have to say anything if you don't want to. Smile at the cab driver, the milkman, the doorman everyone you pass. Do this as often as you can until it becomes second nature. Now how hard is that, not at all. Do it so often that people will stop and ask...

“Hmm I wonder what she/he is always smiling about”

See how easy it is to turn yourself round from a shy person to one who is mysterious!!

We all know that being mysterious is a very attractive and sexy quality to have.

The next step is to say Hi! You can do it. Again do it until it becomes natural. No-one is going to be upset if you say hi to them unless they are total grouches and then you don't want to bother with them anyway. It's not your problem if they want to be like that. So you see what we are doing here, just taking it step by step.

Once you have learned to say hi stop and say a few words to people, it doesn't have to be something profound, talking about the weather will do. You see in some ways being shy is all about you. The focus is on you and yourself. How you feel, what will people think of you, will you say the right thing? will you blush?. Who cares!! what you need to do if you are shy is develop an interest in other people. What about them, who are they? where do they come from? what is their story?

I know all this comes natural to a lot of people, but if you're not one of them then you need to practice until it becomes second nature. By shifting the focus away from yourself and developing a genuine interest in other people you will find it a lot easier. Besides people love to talk about themselves and what is going on in their life. You will find when you leave them they will say “what a lovely person to talk to” in actual fact you have hardy said two words. People will love you for being interested, for taking the time to see how they are.

If you like you can always use visualisation, go over what you are going to say, beforehand. Picture yourself talking and mixing with people with ease.

Getting people to talk about themselves can be useful if you're on a first date, you can sit and listen, you will have to say something eventually though, but only disclose as much as you want to about yourself. Some things are better left unsaid and some things are better left in the past! We all make mistakes and we shouldn't be beating ourselves up about them, unless we keep on repeating them, then you need to give yourself a good upper cut! Ask yourself why are you repeating the same old lessons over and over.

We only come here once (to this life) as far as I know. Although I'm not sure about reincarnation, but for all practical purposes this is it our one shot, sometimes we have to seize the moment, put all our fears aside and go for it, whatever it is, be it dating or jumping out of a plane. So don't let shyness stop you doing what you want to do, life is far too short to have regrets and sit around wondering what might have been.